No Barney, and I mean it!
by DisneyPrincess104
Summary: Will and Elizabeth are visiting her family. As Will avoids Mrs. Bennet he and Elizabeth have an Interesting conversation. Just a random modern one-shot that just popped into my head, hope you enjoy it!


I was sitting drinking tea and staring out my window (supposed to be prepping for my debate tomorrow) when this popped into my head, totally random, slightly strange, modern one-shot. I thought it was kinda cute so I thought I'd post it.

I don't own Pride and Prejudice :(

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She lay draped across her bed, she had always reminded him of a cat and now was no exception.

Her right foot was resting next to her knee, her perfectly straight left leg making the shape of a '4'. Her right arm was flung straight out, her hand hanging over the edge, while her left arm was slung across half her face. For such a tiny person, she sure could take up a lot of room.

She was dressed in navy sleeping shorts and a white and navy striped tank top. The tank top had ridden up, exposing part of her stomach.

"You're pathetic," he drawled, leaning against the doorframe and smirking at her.

She bolted up in surprise, clutching her heart. As soon as she spotted him she glared, "what the hell?"

His response was another smirk before he made his way over to the bed and plopped down on the space she had made for him.

"I hate my family," she muttered, as he closed his eyes.

"Welcome to the club," he muttered.

"You hate my family, or yours?"

"Both," he mumbled. Turning he buried his face in her hair and inhaled the smell of lavender before whining, "when can we go home?"

She chuckled, "Will, we only got here last night."

"And I've already resorted to hiding from your mother and aunt."

She chuckled at the thought of her 6 foot 1 husband hiding from her mother and aunt, who were barely over 5 feet, "What were they bugging you about?"

"They want to know what's wrong with me," he muttered, face still in her hair.

"What's wrong with you?" she echoed.

"Hhmm. Apparently the reason your not pregnant yet is because there is something wrong with me." He sat up and smirked at her, "Apparently you getting pregnant with other 'more able men' is not a problem because you are very fertile."

She blushed and his smirk widened, "Elizabeth, darling," he drawled in a teasing voice, "if this relationship isn't working just tell me, and I'll set you free to find some stud to knock you up."

Elizabeth smacked Will's shoulder, glaring at him; but her blush ruined the effect.

"Right before we got married Mama took me and Jane to a clinic to ensure that we could 'produce heirs', her words not mine!"

Will chuckled and leaned down to kiss his very red wife, "I'll admit it did surprise me. I put a stop to it when they resorted to wondering if we'd even 'done the deed' yet."

Elizabeth, if possible, turned reddened. "Why does she act like she's from the nineteenth century?!" She moaned. "What did you tell her?"

"That I have the penis of a eighty year old man and that I can't get it up," he responded with a perfectly straight face.

"WILL!" Elizabeth shrieked, scandalized.

He stared at her for a second, sincerity radiating off him before grinning, "I told her it was none of her business and that I was going upstairs to find you so we could pack and go home."

"Don't scare me like that!" Elizabeth scolded. She paused then asked hopefully, "you really told her we were packing?" Will nodded. "Thank God! Now we can leave without offending her!"

Will grinned, "We're going home?"

"As soon as the car is packed we are hitting the road and driving outta here like Barney."

Will swooped down and kissed his wife, "I love you."

Elizabeth laughed, "yeah, yeah. Now start packing!"

A half and hour later Will and Elizabeth were sitting in their car waiting for Elizabeth's mother to stop apologizing for offending her son-and-law and begging them to stay. After finally being convinced they were going to leave she let them go. As they drove away she shouted, "Now no Barney, and I mean it!"

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Please let me know what you think! I'd love to know how you think I can improve my writing!!

The "Barney" phrases are from my grandmother's motto when she thinks people are driving to fast: "Who do you think you are Barney Oldfield?"

Barney Oldfield was the first man to drive a car at 60 mph on an oval, in 1903.

My grandmother says that a lot, but I guess that makes sense as she thinks 40 mph is fast and refuses to go on highways!


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